Author Archives: sammychow

Truth #2

I am all for people taking responsibility for their actions. Pull yourself up by the boot straps. Make your own destiny. Ya know all that good stuff. It isn’t that I don’t believe in it because I do. It is just that in the middle of my self pity I got to thinking… “where did everything go wrong? Where did my life get thrown off the tracks of what was meant to be?”

Then it was identified. I can pinpoint the exact moment my life went haywire. It was a conversation with my dad. He told me that because of his nincompoop actions I was being stripped of an honor that I worked toward for years on end.

So that brings me to Truth #2. I blame my father for so much in my life. I blame him. I was talking to my mom about this. She asked if I had expressed myself to him. I haven’t. Honestly, I don’t see what the point would be. Hey dad you totally fucked up my life.

With his depressed suicidal self that might just send him right over the edge. The sad sad naked truth… I am debating whether that would really be a bad thing or not.

 

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Truth #1

I started this blog to get over myself. To discover the person I want to be, and make the changes to get there.

Since my first post there was some pondering as to how I wanted to format this blog. What I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it. My hope is that the format I have decided on inspires conversation and helps me change. So I will do a number of truths. Ugly, Naked, Truths. So here we go…

Truth #1

I am fat.

Not chubby. Not simply overweight. I am fat and morbidly obese. This is something that needs to change.

Not because I hate myself. I happen to love myself. The other day I realized I am getting fatter. Why? Because I still think I look good. I do. I am fucking gorgeous. Just really fat.

Now lets add some more truths. That I still look good statement up there… not totally true. I can say that I look good sometimes. However for the most part if I am being honest I hate the way I look. I am sick and tired of being fat. I am tired of not being able to ride all of the roller-coasters. I am tired of being nervous about airplanes, and having to ask for a seat belt extender.

I am tired of being the fat mom constantly hoping that I am not embarrassing my baby boy.

I am tired of walking slower than everyone else.

Last week I went for a mani/pedi at a new salon. One closer to my house. When I sat down in the chair, it creaked. Do you have any idea how mortifying that was?? No? Let me tell you… I could have died. This afternoon I was at the pool, sitting in one of those pool chairs. I was afraid I would break it. I made this odd maneuver getting out of it because it is so close to the ground. It has to end. I don’t want to be this person anymore.

So, now that I have got that out. I’ve spoken the truth,  and I am going to stand in it. It is time to change it. Fat Sam Chow will be no more. My weight will no longer have the power that I have allowed it to have for so many years.