I started this blog to get over myself. To discover the person I want to be, and make the changes to get there.
Since my first post there was some pondering as to how I wanted to format this blog. What I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it. My hope is that the format I have decided on inspires conversation and helps me change. So I will do a number of truths. Ugly, Naked, Truths. So here we go…
I am fat.
Not chubby. Not simply overweight. I am fat and morbidly obese. This is something that needs to change.
Not because I hate myself. I happen to love myself. The other day I realized I am getting fatter. Why? Because I still think I look good. I do. I am fucking gorgeous. Just really fat.
Now lets add some more truths. That I still look good statement up there… not totally true. I can say that I look good sometimes. However for the most part if I am being honest I hate the way I look. I am sick and tired of being fat. I am tired of not being able to ride all of the roller-coasters. I am tired of being nervous about airplanes, and having to ask for a seat belt extender.
I am tired of being the fat mom constantly hoping that I am not embarrassing my baby boy.
I am tired of walking slower than everyone else.
Last week I went for a mani/pedi at a new salon. One closer to my house. When I sat down in the chair, it creaked. Do you have any idea how mortifying that was?? No? Let me tell you… I could have died. This afternoon I was at the pool, sitting in one of those pool chairs. I was afraid I would break it. I made this odd maneuver getting out of it because it is so close to the ground. It has to end. I don’t want to be this person anymore.
So, now that I have got that out. I’ve spoken the truth, and I am going to stand in it. It is time to change it. Fat Sam Chow will be no more. My weight will no longer have the power that I have allowed it to have for so many years.